Mommy Guilt and Postpartum Depression

The arrival of a baby is truly one of the happiest moments of a family, especially for the mom and dad. After all, they have long waited for this gift. Most parents assume that nothing could possibly go wrong. Except there is this thing called postpartum depression. Trust me, it’s real. No one can see it, but it does exist. In fact, it happens to a lot of new moms.

Most mothers get the postpartum blues, but postpartum depression is a condition that is much more than that. Most women who have experienced this have feelings of sadness that are so powerful to the point that it prevents them from doing their daily tasks. Often times it starts with the little things. This is where the mommy guilt becomes more apparent.

After giving birth to Josiah, there is no doubt that I am at my happiest. But despite that, there’s this intense, nagging feeling that no matter what I do, it simply isn’t good enough. =The sad feeling consumes me up to the point that I would just freeze. I’m doing what I can do yet it is not registering. Like as if I haven’t anything at all. I’m exhausted but I didn’t want to sleep. My mind is too busy stressing with all the thoughts. If I could silence the nagging thoughts, I would. I no longer have the energy nor the zest to do the things that used to excite me. I function on caffeine. I try my best – but again, whatever I do is NOT enough.

The negative feelings got stronger when I got hospitalized due to mastitis. I took pride and joy that I am able to breastfeed our son. That despite all the sadness, I am able to draw some positivity from breastfeeding. Then it hit me hard. I had to question myself and hated the fact that my body couldn’t function the way that it should. I felt so weak AND defeated that I got sick over something that mothers do all the time. The mom guilt CONSUMED ME whole. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that my body may not be cut out for breastfeeding and yet it is such a natural thing to occur. A mother’s body can produce milk for her child and here I am having issues with it. That I may never be able to give my baby the best that he deserves. I felt like I am drowning from all the negative emotions and I have no idea what I can do to survive.

THIS IS WRONG. THIS SHOULD STOP.

I am just glad I have family and friends who keep trying and doesn’t give up on me. Who keeps reminding me THAT I AM ENOUGH. That I am doing the best that I can. That I AM AN AMAZING WOMAN, WIFE, and yes, as a MOM!

Frankly, every day is a struggle for me, up until now. Every day, I feel as if I am alone in this journey. But what keeps me going is the smile of my baby and the support of my husband, family as well as friends. I hold on to my little one’s laughs and to the idea that he needs me and I am there for him. I also cling to my husband’s support. I am more than grateful that my husband is very understanding of what I am going through and that he does everything he can do to show me that I am doing okay. Through it all, I have learned that the emotional support of your partner (or anyone close to you) can help mothers go through this very challenging process.

postpartum depressionPIN IT!

But one tricky thing about postpartum depression is that it is difficult to tell if a mom is experiencing it. That’s why women need to speak up. Tell people (or at the very least, the people closest to you) about what you are feeling. Don’t try to overcome it on your own. Seek help from the people you love. It is not something to be ashamed of but it is something that people need to know, and it is always up to you to tell them.

To my fellow moms, I just want to leave you with this:

You are good enough. Your child appreciates what you are doing. No matter how challenging your situation can get, please know that it will get better.

Sending virtual hugs to all of you!

Comments

  • Angela Tolsma

    My sister got hit with postpartum after her first but after her second it was far worse and she got help and I am thankful she was able to do that. So many women don’t have the ability to speak up and get help. It’s definitely something I hadn’t really been aware of until my sister and it’s good that the conversation is building as it’s an important one. You are an amazing mother, Angela.

  • Anonymous

    So glad you wrote about this. Didnt realize this problem until one of my coworker busted out crying a few weeks ago. She was so depressed after having lost her child and she didnt know who to talk to. According to her she didnt even realize what was going on with her. It was just sad …. this is another mental health issue that needs to be address and ample resources should be provided to moms and/or women with this concern. Great post!

  • Msddah

    Thanks for sharing such a relatable post. Didnt even know of these until a few months back when my co-worker broke down crying about this issue. What was worse was she didnt have any resources, This is an opportunity to provide mental health care to moms and women with this need. Great post!

  • Shoshana Sue

    I suffered from postpartum depression with both of my kids. Worse was that I was so unaware of what it was that I was going through and that I didn’t have support. I am so glad I came out of it, even though it took ages. Recognising the depression is the first step to getting better.

  • Emily Leary

    I totally agree that speaking up to friends and family is worthwhile, and I hope anyone I know that’s going through this would come to me without hesitation. Virtual hugs to you too 🙂

  • AnnMarie John

    Sending hugs your way for being brave enough to share this. It’s not easy to deal with Post Partum Depression and no mom deserves to go through it.

  • EmpowerandHelp

    A very very important topic to be discussed more and needs more awareness. If help and awareness is available, more people will have courage to speak up.

  • Nicole Flint

    I’m not a mother and I don’t know what this feels like, but I know people who have been dealing with this personally. The conversation of post partum depression needs to be had!

  • Ithfifi

    Beautiful and moving post, I am so so sorry you had to go through such a hard time – the reason why I called this beautiful is for the fact you are sharing it and that it may prevent some other new mummy from being so hard on herself. I am glad you had such good friends and family supporting you, you are very strong and deserve to feel proud of yourself for everything you do <3

  • Elizabeth O

    Mum guilt happens to us all, you are SO not alone with that, but you seem to be doing a wonderful job raising a entire human it is bound to have its down days. I think its really great that you are talking about it, your words will definitely inspire others 🙂

  • Sue Tanya Mchorgh

    A very very important topic to be discussed more and needs more awareness. This definitely opened my eyes to postpartum depression. Overall a good read. I will definitely share.

  • Alison Rost

    You’re right, it happens and the sad part is that we don’t even realize that we’re dealing with it until it’s too late. It’s really nice that you’re spreading the word on this. Moms need all the support that they can get, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

  • Jessica Joachim

    Mom guilt is so real. I know I still feel it from time to time. We all do our best and love our kids, we still get to be our own person as well aside from mom.

  • Kate

    This is such an important topic to talk about; I think almost every new mom has that feeling of “I’m just not doing this right” and it can be very lonely. With my first child I dealt with postpartum anxiety, where I would lay awake night after night terrified that something would happen to my baby. It made those first few weeks really tough, and I was so relieved when my doctor spotted my symptoms and offered help. Moms have to be able to feel like they can talk about this kind of stuff!

  • Melanie williams

    It is great that you have wrote about this subject – raises awareness and other mummys will appreciate this x

  • Claire Stokes

    Sending kind wishes! Definitely is a good start to write about it and share your thoughts with others. You are an amazing mum! 🙂

  • Indu

    I am not a mother so I can not share personal experience but I certainly feel when read all the experiences moms go through and feel proud for all.

  • Rhian Westbury

    I can’t begin to imagine how tough dealing with postpartum depression can be but it’s knowing you have support which I’m sure will help you get through x

  • Nicolette Lafonseca

    I get you totally unfortunately I am bereft of family support apart from hubby

    With baby one I was fine I thought I would be immune but I am.struggling so much now and feel guilty ALL the time xx

  • Chelle dizon

    Stay strong beshy! We are always here to support you, guide you and listen to you whenever you want to share something, be it a bad vibes or good one. Love you xoxo

  • Kacie

    I’m not a mother yet but I do worry about the potential for post partum depression if I was ever to have a child. It’s great that you’re raising awareness of this.

  • Joanna

    I can only imagine how overwhelming it is to become a mother, with everything new that comes into your life and all the new responsibility over your shoulders, You are a wonderful woman, mom and wife, and you should never believe anything else than this.

  • shandy kaye

    Moms are certainly allowed to regret having struggled during pregnancy or postpartum. Guilt can be unhealthy and inappropriate.

  • kirsty

    I was always extremely worried that my depression would rear it’s ugly head when I had my daughter and adjusting to life with a baby took some time. There were so dark days where I thought I couldn’t do it or manage with her cries but I got through it. I couldn’t imagine having to live with postpartum depression. You are amazing and doing the best you can do, just remember that. x

  • Preet

    This is such an important message which needs more awareness. Sending hugs your way for being brave enough to share this. Postpartum depression is so common yet least talked about.

  • Jacqueline

    I don’t know if you’re told this anymore. But nurses and/or doctors always told new mums to try and cry after they’ve given birth. Apparently, it can decrease the chances of falling into postpartum depression.

  • Elizabeth

    As a mother of 3 (my eldest is nearly 18, youngest will be 9 soon) I’ve come to accept that the mum guilt never leaves. We just learn how to deal with it. As long as the kids are happy and healthy that’s all that really matters, isn’t it. Stay strong. You’re doing a great job. x

  • Kara

    I suffered with post natal depression after three of mine, although it was undiagnosed with the first. It is possible to beat it though and us Mums need to put less pressure on ourselves

  • Cassie s

    I am not a mommy so I am unfamiliar with this topic, but I love that you spoke out about it. It could help show mothers that they are not alone. I had a friend who suffered from postpartum depression and I saw how real it can get. I am sharing this with some of my soon to be mommy friends. Thanks for sharing xx

  • Rachel

    I had it with my first child and it was so hard. I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. It was easy to justify with being tired or adjusting to the change.

  • Reesa Lewandowski

    Yes, it is a real thing. And it is powerful! It wasn’t until my 2nd child was born and I was about 6 months in until I realized what was going on. Big hugs to you!!

  • Terri Beavers

    This is really an important topic to discuss. My daughter suffered from PD and we didn’t know what was wrong nor how to address it. She did seek help on it and all was well after that.

  • Kimberly Lewis

    thank you for sharing this! so many moms have this and they feel so guilty for something that they can not control

  • jill conyers

    Often times moms don’t realize they’re going through postpartum depression. The symptoms are often attributed to other things.

  • Tracy

    I am not a Mom so I can’t know what it is like to go through this but I do believe that it is an important conversation to have! Thank you for sharing!

  • Toya

    I’m so sorry that you experienced such deep postpartum depression. I wish I could hug you right now. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope it can help other mothers out there to know that they are not alone and others are going through it too, especially if they are not lucky enough to have a good support system. I’m sure sharing your personal journey was difficult but I applaud you for having the courage to do so. Thank you.

  • Anonymous

    Post Partum is such a very real thing and I love that it’s no longer something that’s hidden. There is help, support and encouragement and thanks to posts like this people can find it.

  • Dannii

    It’s so important to talk about it, as you would be surprised at just how many people go through it. Sending a hug xx

  • Brittany

    Thank you so much for sharing this today. I dealt with postpartum after I had my second and it was a very lonely feeling to have.

  • Tanya

    Thank you for being so brave and open with posting about this, I think it’s great that you are getting more information out about postpartum, it’s a situation I am aware of but not that I know anything in depth about

  • Jenni

    I am so thankful that I didn’t go through this. So many Mums do and I think it does need to be talked about more rather than being brushed under the carpet. It’s really brave to write about and will help others know they aren’t alone x

  • Whatlauraloves

    Mammy guilt sounds absolutely awful. I think I’d no doubt suffer from it as I’m someone who feels guilty a lot in life, I just cant help it. The pressure on mams is unreal though and I don’t think that social media helps either xxx

  • Nina

    I never really knew too much about postpartum depression until recently. A friend of mine posted on facebook about going through it. You are so right that more women need to speak up about it if they are experiencing it. That way people can support each other.

  • Nichola - Globalmouse

    I think it’s brilliant that you are putting this out there for other new mums to read, it’s so important we keep talking about issues around mental health at all stages of our life.

  • Debbie

    I suffered with all of mine and in he end gave in and sought help, best thing I ever did. No shame whatsoever.

  • Jeanine

    I’ve never dealt with any of this but my good friend has and I’ve been an ear for her. It’s not something many talk about, which I wish they would, but its great to see a post about it and little by little more speaking out…

  • Krystle Cook

    Post partum is most definitely real and a feeling that all too many women feel. It is important to have that strong support system around us to remind us that we are amazing!

  • Leslie Hernandez

    Thanks for sharing this my sister actually went through this with her fist baby and she’s is doing well now. It’s good to share this and to let other mommies know that they are not alone and that many women experience this.

  • Heather

    This is such an important topic. With my first daughter I had postpartum depression and felt so unhappy and sad everyday. I was so concerned I would have this same feeling with my second daughter six years later but it was an absolutely opposite experience.

  • Nayantara Hegde

    PPD is very real and so many women go through it. There is this unsaid pressure for us moms to feel on top of the world after we give birth but the reality is so different. For the longest time I didnt find joy in my baby. My relationship with close ones was under strain. Thankfully I found things to keep me busy and lift my spirits once again. Blogging was one of them.

  • Nailil

    You are so brave for sharing this with your readers. It can be so hard to decide to be open with others, even when it about more common topics like this one.
    Xx, Nailil

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