I’ve carried a child within my body —THIS BODY. Slept with one on my chest. Shrugged off what society deemed as “fit” and “proper” to survive the long day, as well as nights. I’ve kissed little toes and even wiped away tears. I’ve been vomited on, peed on, and spent sleepless nights cradling our crying child … but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It was a struggle to go through the whole ordeal of carrying a child to term. Even more to give birth and welcome one into this world. Only to realize that it doesn’t end there. In fact, after your body heals … you realize that you now have bigger challenges. How to survive, to cope, be a mother, raise a child (a good, loving, and kind one), be a wife (or a partner), all while being responsible, grown, taking care of responsibilities, bills, AND also have time for yourself. Often, the latter becomes the last and the very least of all priorities. Which is sad and heartbreaking at the same time because “Mom / Mama” have needs too, but resort to simply shrugging it off or even say “next time” but there’s really no such thing as next time because the cycle repeats all over again.
I stared in the mirror blankly, and noticed that I don’t even recognize the woman staring back. Do I feel pity for her? No. In fact, I admire this woman. How so? Because she is showing me that life can AND will be hard, but she managed to stand back up. She is the better version of the younger me. Though she looks much older, tired, and feeling overwhelmed at most … but she is also fiercer, stronger, and wiser.
Now I am faced with another surprise. Another baby that we didn’t expect which literally changed all of our plans. A blessing nonetheless despite all the struggles it comes with. I am exhausted and I am down for the count. In JUST a few more weeks, the roller coaster ride starts all over again. Except this time, we now have a toddler in tow. It will be challenging. It won’t be easy. It will get hard before it gets better. But one thing is for sure, I am grateful for being given this opportunity.
Someday soon, I will reclaim “me” in the process. I will come back and do better than my last progress. For now, I will take things day by day. Hey, my body is NOT magazine perfect. I have stretch marks, cellulite, scarring, and even gained weight here and there. But it is also what made me a MOM … and there is no greater honor, love or blessing.